Clock approaching 7pm, sitting at the table by the window, eyes pulling in my new surroundings- an intimate stone courtyard with imposing outer walls I got thinking, wondering, what these walls have seen over the centuries. Ceramic pots different colours different sizes, lavender,lemon balm, sweet pea, pansies,…. So many, some bursting with colour and some in their dormant stage but all so lush and thriving. Growing season was well over at home. Must be the perfect combination this mild climate some rain, some sun, some rain……Such a strong feel to the house, so grand but yet feels inviting. When the owners are home this impressive Irish country house operates as an award winning bed and breakfast. Five nights ago sitting in my bedroom on the farm in Canada now I sit here. So surreal. It is quiet and isolating in the back quarters. Not isolating in a negative way as I was now in a place, a new land, that was neutral and this gave me a sense of ease. A sense of space. Intake of air noticeably easier.

Bright colours of yellow and red peppers amongst my plate of rice grab my attention. I had noticed that the constant nauseous churning in my stomach had calmed down a little. Hoping to feel an activation of my appetite, I invite the garlic and ginger odour to wander up my nose stimulating the olfactory. I pick up my fork and with foreign enthusiasm skewer a piece each of red and yellow pepper, piece of onion and then push some rice up onto the order. As I bring it towards my mouth I find myself anticipating the taste, I feel my digestive juices stir. My new canine friend is lying by my feet snoring. What a lovely old dog. An innocence about him. He is deaf and his sight is failing, sometimes quite wobbly but manages well with help and is quickly learning to trust me. He is on various meds so I hope he stays well on my watch. It is strange almost like it was meant to be that I would be with Jumble my first time away from home. Maybe I was reading too much into it but there was something very familiar and somewhat settling. I realized what it was- Jumble’s issues were some of Jasons; hearing, sight, balance. Jumble needed my guidance and care, like Jason. My attention and ear was always on him just like it was with Jason. There was something very special about this dog. We bonded very quickly. We were good for each other. He loved our walks through the fields. Fields of different colours sloping down to the River Slaney. Inhaling it in was nourishing. The air so fresh. The house is huge with very high ceilings and lots of rooms with such character. Not pretentious at all….very comfortable and as cozy as a huge house could be. Some rooms are more grander than others but still inviting. Huge kitchen . A very impressive grand stairway that you see first thing when you enter the front reception. Quite an opportunity to be living here. I feel sort of like the lady of this huge manor and grounds. Only a fleeting thought – I am the help. The garden area is huge…plants everywhere…pots..pots and more pots!!! A typical wild sprawling English type garden with little paths leading in every direction. Fruit trees laden with fruit. Raspberries ready to be picked. An enormous mulberry tree which I had never seen before that is thick with berries. Various lettuces, tomatoes, herbs in the garden. A greenhouse laden with plants. Lots to keep me busy.

I returned to take care of Jumble and his home on three separate occasions. Jumble had made a home in my heart. I travelled miles to come and care for him. The owner would tell me how he would look for me, depressed and unsettled after I was gone. When I would return although deaf and almost blind at my last visit he would know me right away whimpering pressing his head against me as I knelt down to him. On my second return to Jumble an amazing thing happened…a beautiful butterfly landed on my hand as we were coming into the house, returning from a walk. It just sat there. Not in any hurry to go. My heart was going crazy. Could this be? a sign? I walked back to my quarters at the back of the house, butterfly still on my hand, praying it wouldn’t fly off in the house, grabbed my camera, walked back through the corridors to the front doorway. It still just sat there. Worried that it was injured I encouraged it to fly. It left my hand but still fluttered around me. Eventually flying off. This took my breath away. This incredible feeling stayed with me for days and can easily be recalled. Just like the first time I headed into the nearby town. Newly arriving in Ireland, sitting in St.Aidan’s Cathedral, feeling vulnerable, heavy hearted, a yearning to know that Jason was ok, a beam of sun light came through the skylight right onto me. I know that it was because the sun came out and I happened to be sitting in the right place but I got this feeling that it was more than that. I am not a religious person but since Jason’s experience in an ottawa church I remain open. I could feel the warmth and comfort in that beam of light- made me feel safe for that moment. Sitting in this beautiful church, candle lit for Jason, candle lit for my brother Conor, watching the flames flickering I felt some peace. The beam of light came and went several times like someone at the controls of a large spotlight. The second time I was in this ray I heard a voice. Raising my bowed head, coming past me was the priest with a very warm optimistic ” Hello! “, smiling at me as if he knew me. I smiled back at him ” Hello “. A really nice uplifting simple exchange. With my heart feeling lighter I left. Heading back towards the centre of town, climbing one steep street after another I encountered many friendly greetings from strangers. I was wondering did I look so obviously lost in every sense of the word. I felt so welcomed. Upon paying the friendly parking attendant, red cheeked and a little out of breath, I commented on how people here must be in great shape walking these steep hills. He replied “Aye! That or nearly dead.” A twinkle in his eye. A laugh burst out of my mouth . As I waited for the bar to lift, his face poked out of the little window, “God bless. Be well.”

I felt in the right place.

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